FAMILY DYNAMICS

 "Look at so-so family, their children are this and that, why are my own children like this?" 

A typical Nigerian child might have had occurrences where their mother or father would say that to them.

There's a dynamic with each family which shouldn't be disrupted if the family is going to enjoy maximum family health possible. 

That dynamic is a unique pattern by which the family members relate, communicate, love and support each other, and it distinguishes that family from another. It also determines how the family relates with the outside world.

This distinguishing factor is mostly common to all members of the family.

Say for example, a family is known for a great sense of humor among the members. Another for an argumentative ability that is second to none (you'll see children of such family doing when in debates). Another could have something to do with musical talents among the members and another could be made up of bookworms.

A family under duress when restored to their healthy dynamic environment can revive their bonding and family relationship. 

Marriage brings 2 individuals with different family patterns together. They try to blend their individual family pattern and build another from there. 

An imbalance occurs when you try to force a different pattern on a family. It's strange to them, you can hardly enforce such. Therefore you should never compare families.

That your colleague mentioned that her husband enjoys cooking and relieves her of such work doesn't mean your husband must do same. He might have other ways he compensates such acts which the other husband doesn't have.

Your children shouldn't be made to feel that they are incompetent or not matching expectations because of what you see in other families. You put them under duress when you do.

Don't do it! Don't compare your family with others.

Unhealthy family patterns do exist too. A family can be known for violence, abuse and dysfunctional patterns that transmits to the children as well. The focus of healthy family dynamics is to help the family alter the negative patterns and build strongly the positive ones. 

Children who were forced to be who they are not, becomes confused and may develop personality problems later in life. Maintain the positive family flow and only help yourselves to be a better version of each other.

You're unique, delight in the uniqueness!

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OLOLADE RUTH OLUWATUMININU.